new moon wanting

new moon
solstice soon …

flirted with a trip to the yellow rose after work last night
but once again the energy to do it wasn’t there in me
too many negatives from prior experience
I thought about
the awful smell
the bad music
the nasty vibe
the cost
etc
and furthermore
I couldn’t bear the thought of even one more vacant conversation
that starts with
so are you from austin
and ends with me hearing about
someone’s kid
or her dog
or her hair
or her boyfriend
or any other number of moribund topics
that I could really give a damn about
while I look into her empty eyes
and watch the gum bounce around in her open mouth
like a load of wet clothes tumbling around in a dryer.

I looked for some other local skin clubs on the web
but was uninspired
that one’s too far to drive
that one’s too skanky
it all seems so fake and empty and stupid now
I just couldn’t do it
which is good
but I still felt bored and anxious
and wanting …

… something …

was it
connection
touch
companionship
a sense of purpose
to hold and be held
to cherish and be cherished
to be moved by something
to be inspired to passionate action
who knows
whatever it was
I sure didn’t get it.

(PDF version)

The new moon wanting by Rick Belden, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.