gift (iron man dream #3)
I’m in new york to visit my mom + dad
they’re still living together
in the house our family moved out of 20 years ago
they don’t appear to have aged since that time.
my dad seems unhappy + remorseful about his life
not the angry man I knew
he seems sad about his relationship with me + anxious
to make some kind of connection between us.
he + I are standing in the
big doorway of the garage he built
this is dad’s territory
mom stays in the house.
he gives me a real old iron man comic book
but first he goes through it
tearing out stuff he says I’m not supposed to see
stuff that has something to do with work
his deletions appear random to me
I can’t see a pattern of anything sensitive
in what he removes.
he describes in great detail the way iron man moves
including the precise number of seconds it takes
for iron man to respond to an attack
then dad asks me how long it takes
for me to respond to an attack.
the iron man comic he gives me is a one time only
special issue
this is the one I’ve been searching for
the one where iron man’s face mask changes
from pointed + horned
to rounded + smooth.
in this issue
iron man reveals that he is actually a monk
when questioned
he explains that the monk is the other side of
his usual playboy/inventor/materialist identity.
in the dream
I recognize this comic book as
a very special gift from my dad
something important to him
something he’s saved for a long time
it’s a peace offering
something we both value.
in the dream
I feel touched yet saddened
our communication is still so indirect.
a comic book is no substitute
for a warm hug + loving words
between a father + a son.
The gift (iron man dream #3) by Rick Belden, unless otherwise expressly stated, is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
6 Comments Add your own
1. Patricia - Spiritual Journey Of A Lightworker | June 20th, 2009 at 10:47 pm
I have done some major healing in my dreams over the years. Thanks for sharing this article with the Carnival.
2. Rick | June 21st, 2009 at 10:01 am
That’s been my experience as well, Patricia. Around one hundred of these “iron man dreams” came to me in the course of about a year, and I tried to capture as many of them as I could. Some were complex and inscrutable, while others (such as this one) were focused and accessible, but still delivered with their own specific coding and layers of meaning.
Today is Father’s Day. I chose this piece for the June Carnival because it expresses and illustrates the tender, tentative beginnings of a fragile rapprochement between a father who’s been abusive and the son he abused, now grown to be a man. There is bravery and vulnerability on both sides, but the distance between the two remains great, and the gap may never be closed. It is, after all, just one step in the direction of healing … a significant step, but only one. Will they continue in that direction? The dream leaves the question open. It would be nearly twenty more years before I finally knew the answer.
3. MarjakaThriver | June 21st, 2009 at 10:54 am
Wow, Rick! I don’t know which is more moving–your poem or your comment above. Thanks for sharing this with us. I agree–there can be a lot of healing with paying attention to dreams.
I don’t have a warm hug and loving words substitute from my father or mother. But I remember with my maternal grandmother, it was a stick of Juicy Fruit gum.
4. Rick | June 22nd, 2009 at 7:47 pm
Thank you, Marj, for your comment and for sharing that memory about your maternal grandmother. I’m glad someone was there to show you some kindness when you needed it.
5. Vicki in AZ | June 28th, 2009 at 4:38 am
Rick, thank you, all I can say is thank you. I am breathless this is so moving. I am so impressed that you have studied your dreams. I would like to begin doing this.
6. Rick | June 28th, 2009 at 11:19 am
Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Vicki. Dreams can be a wonderfully rich source of insight, information, and inspiration, and I wish you success in developing a dream practice.
The first step is learning to listen to and acknowledge the information you’re receiving each night. One of the best ways to begin is to make some notes first thing each morning about anything you recall from your dreams of the previous night, even if it’s only a person, a place, a word, an image, a feeling, whatever it may be. Over time, you’ll come to remember more information and more details, which will in turn give you more material to explore.
Patience is important, as is a willingness to allow yourself to be confused and mystified when you receive information that doesn’t make sense immediately (or sometimes ever). Dream language is largely symbolic and metaphorical, with layers of multiple meaning that express and expose your inner mythology, some of which is personal and unique to you, and some of which is shared and ancient. Your dreams will often seem strange and impenetrable, but in my experience, the effort to build a collaborative relationship with that part of yourself, the “dream-maker”, is well worth it.
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