10 Comments

• 1. Patricia - Spiritual Jour&hellip  |  November 27th, 2010 at 5:22 pm

  Rick, thanks for sharing this with Carnival Against Child Abuse. That is a lot of shame and blame to put on one innocent child by a dysfunctional family. Part of healing is giving back the shame and the blame to the abusers.

• 2. Rick&hellip  |  November 27th, 2010 at 5:32 pm

  Thank you, Patricia. Shame and blame indeed. This poem wasn’t written with a holiday theme in mind, but I think it’s relevant to the holiday experience. The social and cultural demands to be “part of the family” are both relentless and oppressive at this time of year, amplifying the usual dysfunctional family mandates (spoken and unspoken) that everyone suppress, hide, and deny truth, feelings, and history at all times and at all costs, or suffer the consequences.

• 3. marj aka thriver&hellip  |  November 28th, 2010 at 2:20 pm

  this is so moving, rick. i can relate to it so well. we did nothing wrong, yet we are the ones they blame. your poetry always touches me so deeply. thanx 4 sharing thru the blog carnival.

• 4. Rick&hellip  |  November 29th, 2010 at 2:01 pm

  Thank you, Marj. I had a strong feeling while writing this one that others would be able to understand and relate to it as you did.

• 5. Paul&hellip  |  November 30th, 2010 at 2:45 pm

  I’ve hope you’ve been able to shift some of that blame to where it belongs.

• 6. Rick&hellip  |  December 6th, 2010 at 3:53 pm

  Thank you for your comment, Paul. About a year ago, I ran across a rather odd version of this poem on the web. It had apparently been translated to some other language and then back to English. Among other changes, my original line “I’m the one they blame” had been replaced with “I’m the one to make them accountable.” And that reinterpretation (perhaps it would be more accurate to call it an inversion), accidental though it may have been, seemed just as true to me as what I’d originally written.

  My process is not, and has never been, about shifting blame, but about putting responsibility where it belongs. It’s a process that takes time, space, and self-awareness, and it’s not always easy. There are many years of conditioning to unwind and many layers of lies and threats (both explicit and implied) to peel away. Writing this poem gave me an opportunity to express and externalize some of that family and social programming, moving it out of my unconscious into the light where I can see it plainly. I may still be influenced by some of it, but putting it to words and giving it a name has made it more fully visible to me, and more fully conscious, than it ever was before.

• 7. Jan MetalMan&hellip  |  August 3rd, 2011 at 8:08 am

  I can TOTALLY associate with this from my own experiences. Thank you Rick for putting it so eloquently.

• 8. Rick&hellip  |  August 28th, 2011 at 12:36 pm

  Thank you, Jan. I knew when I wrote this one that I was very definitely not alone.

• 9. kate smitty&hellip  |  December 28th, 2011 at 6:28 pm

  dear friend, while i haven’t read your writing in 20+ years, it’s just as relevant now, but even more poignant – time has distilled your words into something more potent, more resonant. i loved this piece, having felt like the traitor all my life. thank you so much for still running with the torch, shedding light on the nature of things.

• 10. Rick&hellip  |  December 31st, 2011 at 11:27 am

  Kathy,
  What a wonderful surprise it was to see this comment from you. People go in and out of my life with such frequency that almost no one I know now knows who I was five years ago, much less twenty or more. It was therefore quite touching to read your remarks and realize that there is some continuity of relationship in my life, even if I’m not always aware of it.

  I was also moved by the perspective you expressed on my work, then and now, as well as your connection to this piece. In some ways, I wish you didn’t resonate so strongly with this one, because I know from personal experience what that means. But I’m glad I could express that element of your experience in a way that gave you some sense of validation because that’s a large part of my intention in sharing these things as I do.

  I remember the time we spent all those years ago with great fondness and hope you are well and happy.

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