Tag Archives: Iron Man Family Outing

New book features my poem “fused at the wound”

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My poem “fused at the wound” from my first book, Iron Man Family Outing, will soon be appearing in a new book called The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us by Ross Rosenberg. Ross is a counselor/psychotherapist and the owner of Clinical Care Consultants in Arlington Heights, IL. In the introduction to his book, he writes:

This book is about real-life relationships — common everyday relationships — that many of us have experienced, but wish we hadn’t. It is also about codependents and emotional manipulators and the ubiquitous “magnetic force” that brings them together into a lasting dysfunctional romantic relationship. The reader will learn why codependents and emotional manipulators are always attracted to each other and why, despite major personal and emotional upheavals, they remain together.

I’ve found over the years that “fused at the wound” is a poem that seems to resonate very strongly with many people, both men and women alike, and I’m pleased that Ross has chosen to include it in his new book. You can watch my video reading of the poem and read some additional background about the circumstances of the poem’s creation here. For more information about Ross Rosenberg and his upcoming book, visit his website at humanmagnetsyndrome.com.

I’m also pleased to add that this isn’t the first time that another author has chosen to include an excerpt from Iron Man Family Outing in his or her own book. Last year’s book Tough Guys and True Believers: Managing Authoritarian Men in the Psychotherapy Room by psychologist John M. Robertson included two poems from Iron Man Family Outing (“learning to breathe” and “release”). The 2009 book Drinking the Dragon: Stories of the Dark Night of Soul by psychotherapist Patricia Ariadne featured several pages of excerpts and related commentary on material from Iron Man Family Outing, including selections from the following poems:

I’m happy to see so much material from my Iron Man book making its way out into the world in new contexts that allow more folks to see it. As I wrote some time ago on the Bio page of my website:

It’s always been my intention and my heartfelt desire that my work would provide transformational opportunities for others as well as for myself. I’m thankful to have the chance to reach new people and, hopefully, contribute to their growth and healing in some way.

Sincere thanks to Ross Rosenberg, John M. Robertson, Patricia Ariadne, and everyone else who’s shared something I’ve written, for helping me extend the reach of my work by incorporating some of it into your own.

Poetry on video: Seven poems from Iron Man Family Outing

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I’ve created a playlist on my YouTube channel (rickbeldenpoet) for the video readings I made a while back of poems from my first book, Iron Man Family Outing: Poems about Transition into a More Conscious Manhood. The seven poems included in the video series are:

  • little iron man
  • half-life
  • fused at the wound
  • gift (iron man dream #3)
  • charley horse
  • body memory
  • easter

You can watch me read these seven poems in sequence using the player above, or you can click here to select and play individual videos directly from the YouTube page for the playlist.

PDF versions of these and many other poems from Iron Man Family Outing are available on the “Contents” page of my website.

Iron Man Family Outing in top poetry books at Amazon

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My book, Iron Man Family Outing, continues to receive strong reader reviews and is currently ranked number 23 on the list of the top poetry books and number 8 on the list of top poetry books by United States authors at Amazon.com based on customer reviews.

The complete archive of reviews for the book is available at http://rickbelden.com/reviews.

“Poetry for men” and other problematic labels

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I’m not crazy about labels, but I understand that they can be useful and necessary in helping us sort through the mass of information to which we’re all constantly exposed. For some time now, I’ve been struggling with the problem of how best to characterize my writing, as a way of introduction for those who haven’t seen it. Is it poetry for men, men’s poetry, male poetry? Is it survivor poetry? Healing poetry? Recovery poetry? Transformational poetry? Body-centered poetry? Psychospiritual poetry? Poetry therapy? What do these terms actually mean, what do they convey to others about my work, and are they even accurate?

Initially, I was reluctant to call what I was writing “poetry” at all. The use of that word struck me as a bit … I dunno … conceited? Self-important? Pretentious? Preposterous? I wasn’t even sure I knew what poetry was. It seemed to be a lot of things, according to who was writing it and who was reading it, and it struck me as one of those words that’s somehow developed so many different meanings and connotations that it barely means anything at all anymore, like “love” or “god.”

I was also concerned that, for a lot of folks, the word “poetry” can be roughly translated into “something I’m not gonna want to read.”

Ultimately, I set all of those concerns aside because I knew that what I was writing certainly wasn’t prose, and I needed to use some sort of recognizable terminology to describe it. So it’s poetry … okay. What kind of poetry?

Every one of the labels I listed above (poetry for men, survivor poetry, etc.) expresses one very specific aspect of my writing while excluding many others. It reduces the work, in some substantial way, to something far less than what it actually is. There are also connotations and assumptions associated with each of these labels that may or may not be accurate and appropriate in the case of my writing. And that’s something I’d prefer to avoid if I can.

If, for example, I describe Iron Man Family Outing as “poetry for men” then I feel like I’m basically telling women, “This book is not for you.” But that’s not the message I want to send, and it’s not true. About half of my readers are women, and they relate to the material just as strongly as the men do. If I characterize Scapegoat’s Cross as “poetry for adult survivors of childhood abuse” then those who would not describe themselves in that way might think, “There’s nothing in this book that will speak to me.” But that’s not true either, and it’s not the impression I want anyone to have. While the adult survivor theme is central and very critical to the structure of Scapegoat’s Cross, the scope of the book is much broader, and much more universal, than that.

How do I accurately communicate, with a non-ambiguous label consisting of two or three words, the depth and the breadth, the variety and the richness, the individuality and the universality of the transformational processes I’m attempting to illuminate and share in my writing? I still don’t have an answer. To borrow from Zen, words are “but a finger pointing to the moon.” I guess I’ll just keep trying out all of my fingers until I find the ones that point the best.

“dad I got” at The Mental Health Place

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My poem “dad I got”, an excerpt from my book Iron Man Family Outing, was recently featured by psychotherapist Lisa Brookes Kift on her blog, The Mental Health Place. In her introductory remarks, she said, “Rick’s poetry is brave, raw, shocking – and real.” You can read her entire post at The Mental Health Place.

Iron Man Family Outing reviewed at Men’s Well-Being

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Dr. Phil Tyson, a Manchester UK psychotherapist who specializes in working with men and men’s issues, recently posted his review of my book, Iron Man Family Outing, on his blog, Men’s Well-Being. He concluded his review by saying:

Rick’s work, if it is anything, is transformative. It holds out in optimism that by courageously facing the child we were, we can create a more rewarding future for the adult we want to become.

You can read his full post in its entirety at Men’s Well-Being.

In other “IMFO in the UK” news, another counselor based in the United Kingdom, John Kennett of Kent Counselling for Men, recently added Iron Man Family Outing to his Amazon UK Listmania list “Men, masculinity and maturity”, describing the book as a “raw and powerful means of accessing the inaccessible.”

In response to this recent UK news, a friend remarked to me via email, “I do think it is great that Iron Man is offered for sale in English pounds.” I have to agree.

Two years ago today …

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Two years ago today, I woke up on a Sunday morning, the day after an important conversation with someone close, and wrote the following letter:

Hello,
I’m writing to offer you a complimentary copy of my book, Iron Man Family Outing. I believe this book may be of interest to you. I would be very happy to provide you with a copy at no cost to you, shipping and handling included.

There’s no catch here and no hidden agenda. The simple fact is that I printed more copies than I’ve been able to sell, and I don’t want the remaining copies to go to waste.

Over the years, I’ve received many positive, enthusiastic responses from folks who’ve read and enjoyed this book. I’ve also discovered just how difficult it is to promote and distribute work of this nature. My primary interest now is to get the remaining copies of my book to people who would find it personally meaningful.

I’m enclosing some introductory information about the book, including a brief excerpt. Please contact me if you would like to receive a copy or if you need any additional information.

Regards,

Rick Belden
Author, Iron Man Family Outing

With that, Iron Man Family Outing, published in the fall of 1990 and then forgotten and presumed dead for the next seventeen years, was reborn.

I didn’t have a website two years ago today. I didn’t have a blog. I didn’t have even one reader review for Iron Man Family Outing at Amazon, or anywhere else on the web for that matter. All I had was a closetful of unsold books and a renewed conviction that it was important that I get them out to people who could make use of them.

In the two years since that day, I’ve contacted over 1800 individuals and organizations around the world, and sent out nearly 900 copies of Iron Man Family Outing to recipients in the US, Canada, the United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia, New Zealand, and South Africa. It’s now being used worldwide by therapists, counselors, men’s groups, and organizations that work with men as an aid in the exploration of masculine psychology and men’s issues, and as a resource for men who grew up in dysfunctional, abusive, or neglectful family systems. It’s been ranked in the top 20 poetry books and the top 35 books on father-son relationships at Amazon.com, based on reader reviews. I’ve made new friends and allies all around the world who are working to help men grow and heal. And I have the most unexpected result of all, the completed manuscript for a brand-new book: Scapegoat’s Cross, my first new work in nearly twenty years.

It’s clear to me now, in retrospect, that events in my life had been leading me back to my unfinished business with the Iron Man Family Outing project since 2004, but I didn’t know that two years ago today. All I knew was that I woke up on a Sunday morning with a letter in my mind and an undeniable imperative to finish what I’d started all those years ago, to see my original vision for the book through to its completion, even if I had to give away every copy I had to do it.

I don’t know where this process will lead me in the future. Two years ago, I never expected to be where I am with this work today. I hadn’t written a line of poetry in over fifteen years. I was haunted by my failure to find an audience for Iron Man Family Outing and considered myself dead as a writer. Fortunately, things have changed.

Well, not everything has changed. I’m still fighting the battle of “soul versus survival” daily. Some days are harder than others. As I wrote almost a year ago in a blog entry entitled “go crazy or starve”:

Every morning when I wake up and don’t have time to write because some meaningless job is demanding its daily pound of flesh in exchange for a little more survival time, I feel like I’m terminating a pregnancy. It’s absolutely wrenching. I start the day sad, furious, and hopeless.

It’s still happening. It happened yesterday. I could feel something coming and I made some notes, but there was no time to allow it to develop or complete. It may come back to me. It may not.

But I’m fighting to keep the channel open, even if it means suffering the pain of losing all those things I never get to finish, because the last two years have shown me that it matters that I keep trying and do what I can, and because two years ago today I began to remember, for the first time in over fifteen years, who I am and what my life is about.

A meaningless job is going to eat my morning again today, but I woke up about two hours ago at 4 AM, after a couple of hours of restless semi-sleep, and realized I couldn’t let this anniversary go by without observing it in some way. This is my life now. The work drives me, it nags at me, it makes me miserable and keeps me awake until I tend to it.

It’s hard, it’s demanding, it’s draining, it doesn’t leave me much time for anything else, and sometimes it feels like it’s just too much for me. It also keeps me alive. And I’m okay with that.

Previewing my new book: Scapegoat’s Cross

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I’m pleased to announce the completion of the manuscript for my second book. Scapegoat’s Cross: Poems about Finding and Reclaiming the Lost Man Within is both a companion and a follow-up to my first book, Iron Man Family Outing. I’m very proud of this new work and eager to get it out into the world where it may be of use to others.

I’ve posted some preview material on my web site at rickbelden.com/new_book, including an excerpt from the introduction and some of the poems that appear in the book.

I’m also making preview copies of the complete manuscript available to those who’d like an early look. Please see rickbelden.com/new_book for information about getting a preview copy.

BEING MAN: Discovering and Offering Our Masculine Gifts

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I received an announcement yesterday regarding an upcoming 12-week study and process group for men in the Austin area called “BEING MAN: Discovering and Offering Our Masculine Gifts” and was very pleased to discover that the facilitators are planning to use some of the material from my book, Iron Man Family Outing:

The group will do a small amount of reading each week from writings by David Deida, Rick Belden, Chogyam Trungpa and others as a starting point for seeing our full role in the world. These writings have very different takes on the journey, and we will work with their ideas to find our own path.

Click here to read the full announcement about the group.

This group, which will be held at Sol Associates in Austin, looks like it will be a great opportunity for everyone who attends, and I’m honored that some of my work will be included as a resource for the group.

For additional information, contact group facilitators Steve Milan and Shelley Imholte.

Update (09/04/09): I’ve been informed that the facilitators of this group will also be using material from my new, yet-to-be-published book, Scapegoat’s Cross, in the group. I’m very happy to see this new material being put to such good use so soon.

Iron Man Family Outing – August Book of the Month at The Mindful Beat

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I’m very pleased that my book, Iron Man Family Outing, has been selected as the Book of the Month for August 2009 on psychotherapist Rebecca Lincoln’s blog, The Mindful Beat. Rebecca features a book each month with a particular theme and this month’s theme is “Conscious Masculinity.”

In her comments about my book, Rebecca said:

What a treat to read such an authentic and heartfelt book. Through the use of poetry Belden tells his story of growing up with an abusive father. Belden allows the reader an insight into his heart and takes us along in his struggles to claim a conscious manhood. If you are looking for pretty poetry, this isn’t the book. This is raw, truthful, and captures both the darkness and the lightness of meeting one’s past. While Iron Man Family Outing may seem to be for men, it helped me as a woman have a better understanding of what men may be going through within themselves.

You can read her full post in its entirety at The Mindful Beat.