fountain

sweet scent
swirling swimming
she surprised
surrendered
allowed me inside
her sacred space
where I
recollected remembered
reconnected myself
and now I
don't want to wash
the taste of her fountain
from my skin.

(PDF version)

reverie

I want to hold her close
	feel her legs around me
I want to give her everything I've got
	exhaust myself into her
	sink into her skin
and sleep on her like a lazy shepherd
napping with his flock on a hillside
in the sweet summer sun.

(PDF version)

afterwards

now I'm a tiny bird
cold and quivering in your hands.

now I'm a small boy
lost in a department store that's about to close.

seconds ago I was a lion in your bed
	a storm blowing out your walls
	jupiter crashing into venus
	the climax of an opera
now I'm a little lost traveler
	hiding in a land of giants
you could kill me with the flick of a finger
	or a harsh word.

I need your protection in this moment
	when I'm so open
	so vulnerable
because this is when the phantoms come
this is when
the black wordless void where I was taken as a child
returns to claim me again
	opening its dark mouth under my feet
	pulling me down into its throat
	sending me back in time to myself
	showing me how small and alone I was
when it happened.

please don't abandon me now
not now
	stay close
	be with me
	breathe with me
just give me a few minutes
and I'll be the man you know again.

(PDF version)

Poem of the Issue – Austin Chronicle 08/16/12

"bottom line guilt trips" by Rick Belden

My poem “bottom line guilt trips” is the featured “Poem of the Issue” in this week’s edition of The Austin Chronicle.

Like my last two poems featured in the Chronicle (“knock me out” and “absolute zero”), “bottom line guilt trips” dates back to the 1989-1990 time frame when my first book, Iron Man Family Outing, was written and published. These three poems were part of a set of about fifty I wrote during that period that do not appear in the book. They were subsequently packed away, forgotten, and then rediscovered in October 2010 during my exploration of a box in my closet that became the Iron Man Family Outtakes project.

It’s once again very interesting to see something I wrote so long ago finally appearing in public for the first time. I’m not sure why I didn’t include this poem in Iron Man Family Outing. It’s consistent in character and tone with other material in the book. I may have felt that it didn’t work in the flow of content and feeling I was trying to establish. Perhaps I felt it would have been unnecessary or somehow redundant when viewed in context with the other poems I was using. Maybe it felt a little too blunt and little too bold for me to put it out into the world at that time.

Maybe it was some combination of all those things. In any case, it has finally emerged.

Poem of the Issue – Austin Chronicle 07/08/11

"reverie" by Rick Belden

My poem “reverie” is the featured “Poem of the Issue” in this week’s edition of The Austin Chronicle. This one is just about a month old, although I actually started it in January 2010. Started it, got stuck, forgot about it, and then picked it back up and finished it about 18 months later. Very unusual for me to do that. Usually, if I don’t wrap ‘em up within a day or two, the moment passes and that’s the end of it.

too many women or not enough

I’m always looking for her. Always. I seem them everywhere, but not her. Did she already pass through my life and I missed her somehow? From a purely statistical standpoint, I know that if I counted up all the relationships, love affairs, dates, crushes, friendships, random encounters, near misses, and failed attempts, those numbers alone would lead me to the conclusion that I should have found her by now.

The numbers, oh the numbers. Much of the time now I feel like there isn’t room for even one more woman in my head, much less my heart. Where do I put them all? Every woman I’ve ever wanted, touched, felt, loved is still with me, even the ones I think I’ve forgotten. I add to the list every time I’m in the grocery store …

“I want her and her and her …”

But I don’t really want “her and her and her …” I never did.
I want the only one I’ve ever wanted.
I want her.

starlight ocean

starlight ocean
brown skin wonderland
roller coaster hummingbird
silk smart radiance.

dark-eyed luxury
brilliant hourglass
plush warm lovely
forgotten dream.

forgotten dream
forgotten worlds
forgotten self
forgotten need.

she is jungle
she is ocean
she is starlight
she is music.

glorious illusion
forbidden treasure
holographic past
someone else's present.

with her I want
with her I remember
but wanting is not having
and remembering is not being.

(PDF version)

three new Iron Man Family Outtakes

I’m gradually making my way through the folder of Iron Man Family Outing outtakes I discovered in a box in my closet back in March 2009 and posting the results at http://rickbelden.com/outtakes. The three latest poems posted are:

“thrashing”
“meat for the machine”
“bottom line guilt trips”

Warning:
“meat for the machine” is a very raw, super intense take on dysfunctional sexual relationship.

Parts one (“reflection / refraction”) and two (“male / female”) of the three-part “Iron Man Family Outtakes” series are now complete. Next up: part three.

party girl dance

party girl dance
	across the pacific
eyes and lips so fresh and heavy
only one way to make a living
running backwards
	through the boneyard.

sitting with me
	going nowhere
momentary heat connection
somewhat real and
	somewhat fake
intersecting intersections
flashing lights in
	frozen lake.

party girl
	needs a husband
party boy
	needs to last
both of us are underwater
both of us are
	fading fast.

(PDF version)