sweet scent swirling swimming she surprised surrendered allowed me inside her sacred space where I recollected remembered reconnected myself and now I don't want to wash the taste of her fountain from my skin.
insane ringing in my bones I fell out of sync with the bees I stared down into a hole in myself a hollow space age mistake disconnected from the heart outward a lost butterfly floating in a heat mirage.
savage depression take me in shelter me from what I cannot fix protect me from what I cannot feel lest it shatter my heart into slivers and shards. dearest friend who is always there for me the only one who always understands never minimizes or denies or tries to tell me smile! cheer up! be thankful! when I'm barely able to draw a breath chest anchored to the bottom of the ocean drowning in a black truth foreign and incomprehensible to those who spend their lives dwelling in the busy rhythm of the surface.
sometimes I feel like I'm gonna go stark raving spontaneously-disintegrating-into-a- cloud-of-randomly-circulating-electrons batshit crazy mad if I can't roll over in bed into the arms of someone who'll love me and hold me when I feel raw scared insecure uncertain lonely even if it's only for a few minutes every few years so I don't feel so goddam alone in this world.
gemini kitten with your supernova eyes drown me in your fountain of youth. charm me with your purple advance overcome my disbelief knock my train right off its tracks reignite my burnt-out heart. win me over come inside wake me up then go away. rebel foxy feisty genius micro romance blindside flash leave me sleepless in the dark calling for my missing twin.
My poem “fused at the wound” from my first book, Iron Man Family Outing, will soon be appearing in a new book called The Human Magnet Syndrome: Why We Love People Who Hurt Us by Ross Rosenberg. Ross is a counselor/psychotherapist and the owner of Clinical Care Consultants in Arlington Heights, IL. In the introduction to his book, he writes:
This book is about real-life relationships — common everyday relationships — that many of us have experienced, but wish we hadn’t. It is also about codependents and emotional manipulators and the ubiquitous “magnetic force” that brings them together into a lasting dysfunctional romantic relationship. The reader will learn why codependents and emotional manipulators are always attracted to each other and why, despite major personal and emotional upheavals, they remain together.
I’ve found over the years that “fused at the wound” is a poem that seems to resonate very strongly with many people, both men and women alike, and I’m pleased that Ross has chosen to include it in his new book. You can watch my video reading of the poem and read some additional background about the circumstances of the poem’s creation here. For more information about Ross Rosenberg and his upcoming book, visit his website at humanmagnetsyndrome.com.
I’m also pleased to add that this isn’t the first time that another author has chosen to include an excerpt from Iron Man Family Outing in his or her own book. Last year’s book Tough Guys and True Believers: Managing Authoritarian Men in the Psychotherapy Room by psychologist John M. Robertson included two poems from Iron Man Family Outing (“learning to breathe” and “release”). The 2009 book Drinking the Dragon: Stories of the Dark Night of Soul by psychotherapist Patricia Ariadne featured several pages of excerpts and related commentary on material from Iron Man Family Outing, including selections from the following poems:
- “dad I got”
- “black noise”
- “romance death rattle”
- “fever wheels”
- “x-ray barbeque”
- “wounded man detection device”
- “gift (iron man dream #3)”
- “bridge to gate”
I’m happy to see so much material from my Iron Man book making its way out into the world in new contexts that allow more folks to see it. As I wrote some time ago on the Bio page of my website:
It’s always been my intention and my heartfelt desire that my work would provide transformational opportunities for others as well as for myself. I’m thankful to have the chance to reach new people and, hopefully, contribute to their growth and healing in some way.
Sincere thanks to Ross Rosenberg, John M. Robertson, Patricia Ariadne, and everyone else who’s shared something I’ve written, for helping me extend the reach of my work by incorporating some of it into your own.
I’m making my first appearance today as a guest blogger on Jungian author Jean Raffa’s blog with a video poem and commentary titled “Falling Through: One Man’s Fear of Feeling” about my fear of feeling and expressing grief, sadness, and pain. Here’s Jean’s introduction to my post:
In keeping with my latest theme of the wounded masculine, I’m pleased to share this piece by guest blogger, Rick Belden. Rick is an author and a poet who has struggled to get in touch with his feelings throughout his adult life. As you’ll see in this post, he’s learned how to use his creative imagination to heal the wounds of his childhood.
You can read the full article here.
Photo credit: David Jewell. Used by permission.
dead man tears fill my mouth dead man breath clouds my eyes. heartsick heartbeat laughing banshees hollow haunted house primed to burst.